Happy Winterhanakwanzamas!

We are killing Christmas.

Before you get your stocking in a bunch hear me out. You may be thinking that Christmas is alive and well! Why, we even start celebrating it in October now! The stores are adorned with lit up trees and jack-o-lanterns. This year one of the houses we trick-or-treated at already had their Christmas lights up. I was actually disappointed when they didn't hand out candy canes. Then we graze over Thanksgiving really quick so we can get to Black Friday and start threatening each others lives for a great deal on an iPod at 4:00am. Finally December arrives and houses are in fierce competition to have the best lights. It's neighbor against neighbor block after block! And don't forget the trip to see a grumpy Santa after an hour wait in line. Be sure to pay $20 for ONE picture of your child screaming while drunk Santa wrestles him into his lap for that perfect shot.

Speaking of Santa, how much longer do you think this beloved childhood memory will last? I think that when I was growing up it was easier to keep that belief going and keep it magical. But with TV, Internet and social media everywhere our children turn, the secret may be out sooner and sooner. When we were kids we saw one Santa at the mall. If we saw him on TV at all it most certainly wasn't HD so he could easily pass for mall Santa. Now there's Santas at each mall, pet stores, libraries, on the Internet, and in HD on your TV! Kids can tell that these are not the same guy! Bad news for mom and dad!

Yes! Aren't the Holidays grand?! Wait- that brings me to the next knife in the back of Christmas. It's Christmas people. The birth of Christ and all. How would you like it if on your birthday everyone had to say Happy Birthday to everyone else just to be fair? I'm not saying that we should ignore Solstice, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or any of the like. I am saying that if your celebrate Christmas, you should be able to say "Merry Christmas" to whoever you like. Just as if some says "Happy Kwanzaa" to you, you wouldn't tell them they should say "Happy Holidays".

I worked in real estate property management for years and in accordance with Fair Housing we couldn't acknowledge ANY specific holiday. So I invented Winterhanakwanzamas. It's all your Holiday needs rolled into one. And it's a bit of a tongue in cheek salute to the absurdity of how P.C. we have become. Feel free to use it. I'm done with it. I'm not working this year so I'm gonna Merry Christmas the CRAP out of people!

There was a time when Christmas was about Jesus, friends, family, food and grattitude. But somewhere we lost it and it became about consumerism, competition, and it certainly has nothing to do with Jesus. I think this needs to change. So go out and let your Merry Christmas shine! Let's bring Christmas back to life!

Hitting the bottle

This has been a year. For any of you that have been following my blog you know what I'm talking about. We started the year finding out we were expecting our third child (surprise!) and then 8 days later we lost my father in law suddenly and tragically. Just weeks after that we began our 23 week bed rest journey with a trip to the ER when I hemorrhaged and we thought I had lost the baby. After losing his father just weeks before my husband had to hear that he could lose me and/or the baby. Thankfully this was not the case. But that trip to the ER set off a series of events that kept us busy trying to keep our baby, our home, any form of insurance, and any last bit of sanity we had. You'd think that once our son was born the weight would be lifted but the hits kept coming when the baby & I were involved in a car accident caused by an under aged drunk driver. A few weeks after that I had surgery to have my gall bladder removed. Busy, Busy, Busy.

I'm, surprisingly, not complaining about any of this. I am grateful for each of these things as God has provided grace in each of these circumstances. My Pastor recently said that God does not give us our circumstances but rather He gives us the means to overcome them. A message I needed to hear this year and the truth in that statement is abundant. Now that we are past each of these circumstances I can see the lesson I learned in each. The strength we have gathered and the love that was provided to us by those around us so that we can survive it.

There is one exception. My father in law's death. Each of our other circumstances had an expiration date. Pregnancy ends with healthy baby. I'll find another job. Physical therapy heals the wounds from the accident. And surgery takes care of the bad gall bladder. But the sudden and extremely unexpected death of someone you love dearly is something that doesn't have an expiration date. It's something that we now have to learn to walk with. It will be with us forever. Especially my husband. His father was his best friend. They talked several times a week from across the country. We video chatted, emailed, texted, and visited regularly. My father in law was so excited about the new baby. He loved us and we loved him.

My husband was able to head to Tennessee right after it happened to help arrange the funeral and help settle affairs. And I am so grateful for that. But the issues with our pregnancy started so soon after that my husband refocused his energy and emotions. He was not going to lose me and the baby too. He spent the whole pregnancy tenderly caring for me and our other two boys. He cooked, cleaned, drove, attended appointments, disciplined, and held me when I cried. He was my hero. All of this kept his brain busy and he took all of the mourning for his father and stuck it in the bottle. Then after the baby was born healthy and strong, we got hit by a drunk driver and his focus stayed on us. More went into the bottle. Just as things were settling down I went in for surgery and my husband was left caring for me again. The bottle is getting pretty full.

Finally I recovered and I am able to help take care of our family and lighten my dear husband's load. But there's a few more things lurking around the corner. They say that the first year after a loved one dies, the survivors experience "The year of firsts". Between October 12 and Jan 23 my husband will have endured his 40th birthday, Veterans Day (his father was air force), Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, our son's 4th birthday, and finally the anniversary of his father's death. These will all be the first time my husband has faced these occasions without a phone call from his father. POP! The top is off the bottle!

So how do we navigate this? How do I ensure that I am the wife he needs me to be? How does he say goodbye to his father without feeling like he's letting him go? I feel as though each of our vows has been tested this year. But we will prevail. My husband was an amazing example of love and husbandry this year for me. So I will support him, cry with him, talk with him, listen to him, pray for and with him, and love him with everything in me. We will learn to walk with this. We will learn to live despite this. We will always love his father and each other. God is good and He will provide.

Open post from my breasts

Dear makers of nursing bras- in all of your years making and selling nursing bras, have you ever consulted an actual mother? Let alone one with a cup size larger than an A? I am a naturally busty lady. I sport a D cup when I'm NOT breastfeeding. When you figure in breast milk and swollen glands, we're in the market for some serious support. By serious support I'm talkin' under wire and thick straps! Additionally, it needs to breathe. There's a lot going on in there. While you're at it we can add some sass to the bra too! Believe it or not, mommies like to feel a little sassy too and when we are wearing grandma style bras it socks our self esteem right in the gut!

I have gone shopping for nursing bras twice now since having my baby 2 months ago. The first trip I was so disgusted with the lack of style and support that I bought two sports bras that fastened in the front instead. These bras looked infinitely better, had support cups, and made me feel less like a milking cow and more like a hot mama! HOWEVER, they were racer back bras and the weight of my giant milk bags pulled the straps causing pain in my shoulders.

So back to the store I went! I finally found a bra in a DD size with under wire! But the fabric is so thin that my poor boobies look like they are melting. Boo. And the only color it came in was nude. A serious lack of sassiness. But it went home with me because I needed the under wire! I also grabbed 2 other bras in a DD that did not have under wire. WHY you would even MAKE DD bras without proper support I have no idea! They instantly age my breasts by about 30 years! And can I mention that I am actually an F but that the largest size I can find is a DD so everywhere I go I look like my breasts have breasts! I'm talking overflow ladies!

I am sure there are amazing DD and larger nursing bras out there. I am also sure that in order for me to own one I would have to search high and low and pay an exorbitant amount of money. Money that is better used on diapers right now.

Nursing bras are a necessary evil. They offer mommies ease in feeding, especially out in public. Because at home we can just let it all hang out! But for as much as we need them, we loathe them.

So I challenge you nursing bra makers of the world. Help a sista out. Talk to some actual moms. Design a beautiful, affordable bra that keeps the girls closer to their original location- above our belly buttons! With all the technology out there I'm sure we can make it happen. Until then, I'll be strapping my F boobs into my DD granny bra and waiting..... just waiting.

Never is a four letter word

Have you ever heard the term "Don't write checks with your mouth that your ass can't cash"? I learned a while ago that when you use the word "never" it's like asking the universe to book mark that idea, judgement, or opinion so you can circle back to it yourself at another point.

This can be any number of things. I'll give you an example. In my early twenties I had a smokin' hot body. When I met my husband he was impressed with my ability to eat anything. I wasn't the typical salad eater when we went out. I'd strap on the old feed bag with the rest of the guys. Foolishly I thought I'd keep this virile young metabolism forever! I also thought people "let" themselves get fat or out of shape. Like it was a choice for everyone. I would NEVER let myself get like THAT! Check written. At the age of 25 I started having these terrible back issues. My doctor thought it was a result of my jogging on cement and said it was a joint issue. I'd have the back pain every once and while. Then when I was 28 I was working out much more in preparation for my wedding. I had 3 flare ups in 6 months. So my doctor sent me in for an MRI where we discovered that I had 2 herniated disks in my lower back that aggravated my sciatic nerve. Awesome. My lifestyle was forever changed with that diagnosis. I put on 25 lbs the first year. Check Cashed.

Over the course of the years I've seen this happen time and time again in my own life. I've tried so hard to stop using the word "never". It's a four letter word! It's a dare to the universe! I have this image of God sitting up in heaven with his "lesson board". When you say things like "We'll NEVER break up!" or "When I have kids I'll NEVER yell at them!" or "I've NEVER lost my job because I'm a good employee". These are all lessons to be learned. You will break up because he or she turns out to be someone different than you fell in love with. You will yell at your kids because it is normal and unavoidable. And you will lose your job because your company goes under and the fact that you're a good employee can't save you.
It may not happen right away. It could be years down the road. But chances are that at some point you will experience the flip side of those statements. The universe is listening.

I figured this one out years ago. But there are still checks out there floating around. I still have outstanding "never's" that have their lesson attached to them. And try as I may to avoid the cashing process, it always catches up to me! But the bright side to all of these check cashings is that we grow and become empathetic to the people around us. We slowly learn that we are not the exception. That we are just like the people we judge. We become more capable of compassion and understanding. So keep an eye out for when your never checks head back to be cashed.

Babies SMILE

It's been a debate for years. But I don't know why. What is there to debate? Babies smile. Really. They do. It drives me absolutely insane when someone tells you that it's "just gas". If it IS gas, has it ever crossed any one's minds that maybe that fart or burp felt awesome and made the baby SMILE? How many times have you witnessed the relief and happiness any given adult experiences after a good gas letting followed up by a smile? Hmmmmmmm?

My babies have each came out the womb smiling. They smile at me. They smile in their sleep. They smile at nothing. But they smile. If babies can find it in themselves to be responsible for feelings of unhappiness as early as the moment they are born, then why is it so far fetched to believe that they can also understand happiness?

Babies are pure emotion as they feel their way through this new world. They are emotion and subsequent reaction to that emotion. If they are tired they sleep. If their tummy hurts they fuss. If they are upset they cry. And if they are happy they smile. Big beautiful baby smiles!

If you still don't think that babies smile, keep it to yourself. Because parents love their baby smiles. They light up our days! They are what we live for! They make the sleepless nights, the dirty diapers, and the post baby body all worth it. Baby smiles are why we try for months to conceive, suffer IVF, bed rest, and a whole other flurry of hardships in our attempts to be parents. It's all for that beautiful baby smile! It's pure, it's real, and it's all for us!