Saturday, October 1, 2011

Mommies Don't Poop

OOOOOOOOOOH the exhaustion of motherhood.  And we're all in the same boat.  You now it well.  Here is who you have become ladies.  Yes.  It's true.  According to our kids, the following no longer need to occur because we pushed a person out of our vaginas.

1) Mommy's don't poop. This has to be true because out kids certainly don't see the need for us to go to the bathroom anymore and when we do we clearly need their supervision.

2) Mommies don't stink. We are fresh and clean all day and no longer require a shower. If we dare to take one, the shower alarm goes off. It sounds oddly similar to our children screaming & fighting.

3) Mommies don't need dates. Mom and dad (or mom & mom or dad & dad or mom & boyfriend- you get my drift) love being at home covered in poop & boogers and staying home on a Saturday night. Why on Earth would we need to talk to other grown ups, dress up nice, eat foods that weren't coated in cheese or fried, or watch a movie without a "P" or "G" in the rating?

4) Mommies don't have sex. We enjoy being pent up. Oh- and babies come from the baby factory. Not from sex.

5) Mommies don't need sleep. Sleep is for babies! With enough Red Bull & Coffee mom will be fine.

6) Mommies don't need warm food, or food at all- Who's the last to the table? Mom. Who's barely getting a bite in their mouths between feeding baby, refilling drinks, cleaning up spills, & breaking up fights? Mom. If we get to clear our plates our food will be ice cold. We like it that way. Ask our kids.

The list is probably longer but I haven't had any sleep and I barely had breakfast so my brain is a little cloudy. But I'll be fine. Just ask my kids.


  1. singing my song, girlfriend........ (and I only have TWO boys and a husband!).


  2. Sad but true...

  3. Oh, so true.

    Momma's have hard feet and can walk on any amount of hard, sharp shiny things. Since they are perpetually on the floor.

  4. Parents don't need painkillers. They enjoy being headbutted and run into and smacked and poked and prodded.

  5. Love this! You hit it right on the head...although mine know I poop...I had to break the secret in order to get one of the twins to go poop herself!

  6. Oh so true! However, mine are quite well aware that I poop because they are in there with me . . . all the time . . . I so miss having a wee bit of privacy. :)

  7. Hilarious! Totally enjoyed reading your latest posts today. =)