Saturday, March 13, 2010

IS seeing believing?

January 23rd we lost my husband's father tragically & unexpectedly. This is challenging in so many aspects but when you have children the task of explaining the sudden death of someone they love, it's even more challenging. As our children are 11 years apart in age, we had to deliver the news in two separate ways.

For our 13 year old, we were honest about what happened and let him know that his grandpa (or Papa Simon as we called him) loved him very much and will continue to love him. We explained the details of how he died and what it meant to the family. It was a heartbreaking task. Having him collapse into my arms with the almost expected question over and over again "Why? Why? Why?" was almost too much for my heart to take. Luckily we had a different situation with our 3 year old. His level of comprehension being different, we simply explained that Papa Simon lives with the angels and Jesus now. An explanation that flew effortlessly over my little boy's head.

I think that on some level we all believe that when a loved one leaves us that they are still with us. Watching over us. Being our angels. But do we need to see it to believe it?

Then there is the process of healing my husband. It's been a mixed bag of emotions as we deal with his father's death and the impending birth of our third child. He has good days and bad days. As much is to be expected. On one of his harder days he had secretly asked his father to give him a sign if he is still here watching over us. Anything to know he was still close.

A few weeks ago while reading bed time stories, our 3 year old said to my husband that there is a ghost in his room but it's not a monster. 3 year olds have very active imaginations so we shrugged it off. Then a few days later as they were playing play dough at the kitchen table our son announces, "Dad, I live here".
My husband replies, "Yes you do".
"Yeah. This is my house and I live here"
"Yes you do. You live here, and mommy lives here, and brother and me".
Then it came.
"Yep. I live here. You live here. And Papa Simon lives here now".
This simple statement, delivered as if it were nothing, hit my husband like a ton of bricks. He called me at work right away and we wept together. We truly believe that children can see angels because they don't know that they can't. My husband had asked his dad to let him know if he was with us and his father responded. I know he is here. Watching over us and caring for us and our unborn baby. Though my husband and I haven't seen him, we believe. And that is enough to start to fill the hole that his death left in our hearts. Belief is a powerful thing. Whether you see it or feel it.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

So how'd I get here? I had been thinking about starting a blog for quite a while. But between raising a 13 year old & a 3 year old (both boys), working more than full time (I heart salary pay), being the perfect wife, and trying desperately to keep up with the amazing friends that keep me sane....when do I find the time? Well be careful what you wish for!
In January my husband and I found out that (much to our surprise) we had actually found time at some point in the weeks prior to concieve our third child. I am high risk when I am pregnant due to a history of personal and family miscarraiges. I joke that we have teflon uteruses in our family. So we raced into the OB and got our orders ASAP. Progesterone Supplements 3 times a day and mom is only to work and then come home and sit for the first tri-mester. Rest, rest, and more rest. The mission is to keep that baby in! We finally got to week 12 and we all exhaled. We even told a few people.
Then it happened. I was at work and I started hemmoraging. A looooooooong trip to the ER and 2 ultra sounds later we found out I have Placenta Previa (placenta attaches on top of the civix instead of the top of the uterus) and there was a clot growing on my placenta (thus the bleeding). Baby is fine- that's the good news! The best news! The not so great news is that the only treatment for this condition is complete, utter, imobilizing, brain melting, butt widening, soul crushing bed rest.
I'll delight you more soon with my thoughts, feelings, and remedies for the busy mom on bed rest. But to answer the question at the top of the story, I now have the time. Lots, and lots, of time. So here I am blog world. In all my bedded glory! Let's see just how entertaining a really busy mind in a not so busy body can be!