The dirty panty pizza sex penis blog. Otherwise know as "The Best Blog in History"

If you have found this blog by using a search engine and typing in key words of a certain nature, prepare to be grossly disappointed!  This is soooooo not that blog!  But it always amazes me how many people find my blog by typing in such seriously disturbing things!  You are some sick puppies!

If you look at my top 10 blogs, there are some amazing pieces of literary art there.  However, I'm willing to bet that they aren't all there based on their amazing literary content.  Rather, they are at the top of the list because of sickos searching for naughty things that raised the click count.  Some of these include:

My Big Girl Panties A story about being a strong woman.  NOT a story about women's panties and if you mom, brother, sister, or room mate is currently wearing them.

Naughty Stories This is a blog about cherishing all the naughty things your children do because they make the best stories to tell down the line.  NOT a story about naughty nurses, grandmas, girl scouts, or the like.  You sick bastards.

And so it continues.  Some of my favorite (I guess) search terms that have been used to find my blog include these classics:

"person with 2 penises"
"big lady knickers"
"Should I wear my sister's panties"
"naughty knickers"

But it's not just me that's a pervo magnet!  It's my fellow bloggers as well!  I asked my Tweeps to provide the funniest search terms used to find their blogs.  Here's' what we got!

My homie Princess Amy at Not a Real Princess (Except to my boys) Has found "MILFs in thongs and Pooped my pants" in her stats.  Awesome.

Then my girl Alisha at Blahyaya has gazed upon the words "True story mom and aunt fucked me".  WTF?!

Lidia at Lidia-anain gets the extra special pleasure of having creepy stalker style search terms! "Lidia Anain lives, Lidia Anain age, & Lidia Anain pictures"

Over at Fairy Tale Forgotten my friend gets things like "Naked fairy tales". Huh?

Then there's the sad ones like my friend Michele at Professional Gremlin Wrangler who got this gem "I'm 16 pregnant and addicted to cocaine".  How that lead anyone to her parenting blog is a mystery.

And finally my very favorite collection of search terms was provided by my Twitter Twin John over at Daddy Runs A Lot who checks his stats to see things like  "bin Laden boobs," "midget porn," "how to maintain celibacy".  Well some guys just get all the luck!

So no doubt that with all these search terms actually IN my blog, this will become my most popular post in all of history.  Sad for the sickos who were expecting to see two kittens nursing on a naughty nurse while she defecates on a piano.  But great for my stats!  Thanks you sick fucks!

Blog Envy

I've been searching around some other blogs as I am new to the Blog world and I have to say that aside from finding some really great blogs to follow, I also found myself with a case of Blog Envy! There are some good lookin' sites out there! How DO you do that?! Some day I will learn and this site's outside will match it's inside. Sassy and thoughtful and creative! Not sure if I am up to posting pictures of my little darlings. One toe in the water at a time you know. But soon my site will keep your eye long enough for you to hear what I have to say dang it!

That's all I have for now. If anyone has tips to sassing up my site or any how to's please let me know! God bless!

So how'd I get here? I had been thinking about starting a blog for quite a while. But between raising a 13 year old & a 3 year old (both boys), working more than full time (I heart salary pay), being the perfect wife, and trying desperately to keep up with the amazing friends that keep me sane....when do I find the time? Well be careful what you wish for!
In January my husband and I found out that (much to our surprise) we had actually found time at some point in the weeks prior to concieve our third child. I am high risk when I am pregnant due to a history of personal and family miscarraiges. I joke that we have teflon uteruses in our family. So we raced into the OB and got our orders ASAP. Progesterone Supplements 3 times a day and mom is only to work and then come home and sit for the first tri-mester. Rest, rest, and more rest. The mission is to keep that baby in! We finally got to week 12 and we all exhaled. We even told a few people.
Then it happened. I was at work and I started hemmoraging. A looooooooong trip to the ER and 2 ultra sounds later we found out I have Placenta Previa (placenta attaches on top of the civix instead of the top of the uterus) and there was a clot growing on my placenta (thus the bleeding). Baby is fine- that's the good news! The best news! The not so great news is that the only treatment for this condition is complete, utter, imobilizing, brain melting, butt widening, soul crushing bed rest.
I'll delight you more soon with my thoughts, feelings, and remedies for the busy mom on bed rest. But to answer the question at the top of the story, I now have the time. Lots, and lots, of time. So here I am blog world. In all my bedded glory! Let's see just how entertaining a really busy mind in a not so busy body can be!