Monday, January 10, 2011

Roll with it?

My baby is 4 months old. My baby is trying to roll over. My baby is eyeballing solid foods. My baby has found his toes. My baby is inching closer and closer to toddler hood, then little boyness, then teen years, then he'll be moving out!

This is my last baby. So every milestone marks the end of an era in me and my husband's life. So when my sweet little baby starts to roll over I have to seriously fight the urge to shove him back down and tell him that being a big boy is over rated! Which it totally is! I mean, come on. I think it's fair to say most men act like babies so let's just save this baby a ton of time encourage him to stay my sweet little baby forever! No? Damn.

I've never felt like this before. I have always marveled- and forced others to marvel- at how quick my boys have learned. How amazing they are to walk, talk, eat, coo, and all the other things our children do. I, like all other mothers, have been convinced that my son's ability to poop in the potty was a sign of genius. That the fact that he knows the alphabet will surely secure him his spot at Harvard.

So does it make me a bad mom that I want THIS baby to stay on the breast, never roll over, not learn to speak, FORGET growing any teeth! I just want to hold on to every baby moment. I want to snuggle him and love his little baby bum. I have 2 big boys. I can celebrate their growth and accomplishments! I can be a good mom to them!

Alas (Yes. I said Alas.) it can't be stopped. And in all reality I don't really want him to stay a baby. I just want it to go slower. The first year zips by so quickly. Then they're 5, then 15, then they are out on their own. But this is all an inevitable part of the job. I love my babies. All 3 of them. But part of me loving them is making sure they coo, roll over, poop, learn the alphabet.... and grow up. So while I can't stop it, I will cherish it. I will drink in every moment. And occasionally I may or may not push him back down when he tries to roll, crawl, or walk. But I'll be gentle.

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