Wednesday, July 6, 2011
How Much Is That Fatty In The Window?
I think I have reverse body dismorphia. To be exact, I think I look better than I really do. We can also refer to this as "The Jersey Shore Syndrome".
When people suffer from actual body dismorphia they hyper focus on one or more specific things about their body that drive them to think they aren't good enough or pretty enough. Then they work endlessly to fix this issue even if it only exists in their heads.
Me? Well, lately when I look in my skinny mirror (Women know this well. There are fat mirrors & skinny mirrors) I feel good about my post baby body! I've dropped a few pounds, my clothes are a little less snug and I feel like a damned super model! I'm still curvy. Always have been and always will be. I always say I'm not an hour glass figure, I'm more of an hour and a half to two hours. My man loves me curvy so when I look in my skinny mirror I see one sexy beeotch!
Then reality sets in when I see a picture of myself. UGH! Who the hell is that hippo of a woman?! I pick apart the picture. Flabby arms, jello thighs, jiggly belly, and is that a double chin? Oh hell no! That all must be photo shopped! That simply can't be the same beautiful woman in my skinny mirror!
So I have amped up my super model skills. Mommies, you may already know them well but if not here are a few new moves for taking pictures.
1) Strategically place small family members (a.k.a. the kids) in front of you as though you want them to be the star of this family photo. But in reality you are hiding your rolly polly pudge.
2) To reduce the double chin appearance suction the back of your tongue to the roof of your mouth. This will lift your second chin just long enough to take that shot!
3) Stand up. ALWAYS stand up! Taking photos of yourself in the sitting position will send you into a manic depression where you consume all chocolate within your reach.
4) When taking pictures with your husband, have him wrap his arms around you from BEHIND. Pictures where he is embracing you face to face show just how much work it takes for him to get his arms around you.
5) Make it a priority to have your arms hidden behind you whenever possible. A hand on the hip with elbow pointing backwards is a classic pose.
Despite the reality of my post baby body I am still proud of it. It gave me my sweet baby boy. And I am fortunate enough to have a man who loves some meat on his lady! I'll close with this saying my husband lives by:
"Women weren't meant to slip through a man's fingers....but they weren't made to break his arms either!"
Thanks baby! I love you! Now go make me a sammich!