So last night was a horrible night of sleep. My hips were spreading (although if they spread any more the baby will just fall out!) and I had to pee constantly. But in the midst of all this waking up and falling asleep, I dreamed many dreams. And to my surprise and delight, each of them was about bringing our baby home! This is a welcome change from the standard dreams I have had that are full of fear of the baby coming before he's due and having health issues or not making it all.
The first was that I went into labor at home and it went so fast that the doctor had to deliver in our room! Each other dream was about bringing him home, how big he was, breast feeding, introducing him to our family & friends. All of it was really normal stuff. Normal. There's something we haven't experienced this whole pregnancy.
But as we get closer to the end (a place we didn't prepare for) I think my subconscious is allowing me to feel something I have been scared to feel up until now. Excitement. I literally woke up excited about our baby for the first time this morning! No hesitancy. Just pure excitement! Again, I know it sounds strange to most people that you wouldn't be excited or prepared for a baby until the last few weeks of your pregnancy but our situation didn't lend itself to a lot of joy these past 6 months or so. Fear was our driving factor. So now as we close in on the finish line and things are starting to feel normal we can begin to feel normal feelings associated with the birth of a child!
I feel August will be a great month. Our baby hits 36 weeks and achieves full lung development! Final goal achieved! Also, our 14 yr old, who has been all over the country this summer visiting family, returns to us so he can be here for the birth! And my sister and her family are moving to Washington just in time for baby! It will be the first time in 12 years that we have family living near us and the timing couldn't be better! PLUS when I go into labor my mommy will be flying up from California! She has never missed a single one of her grand children's births. I have missed my mommy this pregnancy. I can't tell you how many times I have just wanted my mommy during this dark and scary time. So it will be so great to finally have her by my side!
I feel that I am getting to a place to finally process everything that has happened to us over the last few months. I feel the need to post a blog about the day that I went to the ER and our lives changed forever. I feel it would be cathartic. I am getting closer to a place where I can put it all in words. This whole situation has been something that I never pictured for us. It was a nightmare that's hard to put into words. But I will try. Soon.
I praise God in all this for bringing us through a really difficult situation. I know He has a plan and we will follow. He has been an awesome provider for us when things have looked their bleakest. I know He gave us this baby to make some major changes in our life that needed to take place. To point us in new directions and refocus us on what is important in life. Our family and our faith.
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