How old does this chick look? Does she look as old as she feels?
Tomorrow I turn 35. Ick. 35.
I have always welcomed birthdays. But this birthday feels different. It feels....old.
I had a friend in my 20's who dreaded her 25th birthday. She said it made her feel old because it meant she was half way through her 20's and almost to the dreaded 30. I laughed. How ridiculous is that?! I breezed through 25. Hell, I celebrated 30! Literally! My husband knew I was super excited about my 30th birthday and planned an elaborate surprise party with 18 of our closest friends at the Space Needle. Our friend is the Executive Chef there so he took extra special care of us. It was amazing! What made it better was that my mom was there and the day before she took me and my cousin to an all day spa day. They kept force feeding me water all day and hence I peed- a lot. They were convinced I was pregnant but after 2 years of trying and several miscarriages I kept telling them I don't GET pregnant. They insisted on a test and that night, the night before my 30th birthday, we found out we were expecting our 2nd son. Great birthday!
But here I am on the eve of 35 and I feel like that friend I had in my 20's. I feel like I'm half way to 40. I feel like I'm OLD. My body is weak and flabby (thank you bed rest & car accident), I have a kid in high school, I have no job, and I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. My sister asked me how I want to celebrate and I told her it's just another day. Celebrate? 35? Ugh.
I guess I feel like the clock is ticking and I'm at a standstill. I'm so grateful for where I am at but I have no idea where I need to be heading. Shouldn't I know that by now? I keep telling God to lead me where I need to go. But that guy has His own sense of timing and it's just not happening fast enough for me. Doesn't He know I'm running out of time? I'm almost 35 for heaven's sake!
I also feel like I'm still a kid in so many ways. I see pictures of celebrities that are "my age" and I feel like THEY are grownups. Me? I'm still a kid trapped in an ever decaying body. For the record, I like holding onto a bit of my inner child. Makes life more fun. But no matter how hard I hold onto it, the reality is that May 6th I will be 35.
So where do I go from here? How do I ring in this new year of my life properly and without distain? I'm sending out a birthday S.O.S.
oh, silly girl, I am 42 and 35 is sounding kinda nice right about now. Don't wish your life away (and who is the one in the photo? 'cause she is not 35, no way, no how, she is not a day over 23. You look great!).
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday!
best,
MOV
As someone who turns 35 not too soon after you (but, seriously, twins separated by 19 months is crazy), I know precisely what you're feeling. I hate that people who are grown-up are younger than me. There is talk of baseball players who are still a few years behind me talking about retirement. When I make a recruiting call for my college, I'm shocked by how young the person on the phone seems to me.
ReplyDeleteIt takes a lot, but I still have a hard time admitting that I didn't just graduate college a little time ago.
But momma, while I didn't know you then, I cannot picture a funnier, kinder, awesomer (we get poetic license with grammar as we get older, right?), or hotter woman than the one you are right now.
I hope I look that good when I'm 35! Happy Birthday!
ReplyDeleteI think yo ulook amazing! Heck, I think you are amazing!!! Don't let today get to you. Look at the things you have accomplished and maybe start a list of things you want to accomplish by 40. It'll put things into perspective and help you feel a little better about yourself. Lots of love to you beautiful lady:)
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday Beautiful! Embrace it! I am 35 and LOVIN' it! You are right where you are meant to be. God has alot in store for you-the fun is just beginning!
ReplyDeleteI also hope I look that good when I am 35. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
ReplyDeleteHappy (way) belated birthday! And I'm sorry, did you say you are 35 now?! You look amazing! No joke. I'm on the verge of 30 and I guarantee I have you beat in the decrepid body department. I see girls in their teens and I want to pick up their tiny bodies and fling them.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I missed wishing you a happy bday on your bday. So happy Belated bday. I know how you feel, I stopped recognizing bdays for the most part after I turned 25. I insist on getting stuff and special treatment for usually a week surrounding my bday, but I have totally eliminated the "party" aspect of it and therefore stopped counting the years. I didn't realize I turned 34 in feb, till my husband turned 36 in April & I remembered we were 2 years apart LOL So have the party just stop counting the years. You are always as young as you feel. So go with that. LOL =)
ReplyDelete