Friday, August 6, 2010

A Place We Never Thought We'd Be

Today we reached a milestone we never thought we'd see. We turned 35 weeks pregnant! Additionally, last week the baby dropped. Therefore he is getting ready for delivery. One more week and this little baby, who has had to work so hard to be here, will have full lung development! That means that if he comes after 36 weeks, even though it would still be 4 weeks early, we would be able to bring him home. Home. I know I've tried to explain it but it's surreal to imagine this part of the process. The whole past week or two as we take the little steps to get ready for baby we have done so with such mixed emotions. As healthy as he becomes every day and as close as we are to the finish line, there is still hesitancy to let ourselves go and enjoy this. It's like my husband says, we spent so much time trying to keep baby in that now it's hard to plan for him to come out. It just seems like a foreign idea or that by getting ready we are jinxing it.

I'm having an easier time enjoying these last few weeks of pregnancy. I can feel his movements and can tell which is an elbow, foot, baby bum. I can feel that he's healthy and strong. And therefore I can let go a bit and enjoy being pregnant a bit more. My husband, on the other hand, carries more of the hesitancy and can't quite relax. Since the January death of his father and then our pregnancy roller coaster, loss has been the theme of his year. So he feels he can't really fully enjoy this until his little boy is home, healthy, and in his arms. It's so hard to see him blocked off like that. But it's probably been just as hard for him to see me go through everything I have endured to get this far. This is what marriage is about. the good and the bad. We will love each other through both.

The boys are ready for baby! Our 3yr old asks every day if the baby is moving and loves feeling him roll around. He's fascinated with boobies now as we have been attempting to prep him for mommy breastfeeding! And he wants to share room with the baby right away. Cute. He'll learn. Our 14yr old, on the other hand, is a little grossed out as the baby's movements get bigger but he's excited none the less! He still hasn't decided if he wants to be in the room when the baby is born this time. I think the last time was an eye opening experience ;0)

I have to say I am so grateful to everyone who prayed for us, brought meals, cleaned our house, visited, or just kept us in mind over the past months. We have really come to truly realize what an amazing group of people we have in our lives! This whole experience has been one of the hardest things I have ever endured but it has also been one of the greatest. I really believe that you find your strength in tough times. And we will come out of this stronger and with a beautiful new addition to our family. A reason to celebrate. Which we need this year as we process the loss of my husband's father and now the upcoming passing of my grandfather (who has been fighting cancer and other various issues for almost a year and is an amazing display of strength and stobbornness!). God works in mysterious ways. We don't always agree with His timing and reasons, but I am grateful for His guidance and love. He is the reason I know we will all be okay and the reason we have made it this far.

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