The Bear Hug

My baby wears a leash.
Only, we call it the Bear Hug.
Don't judge.

I have raised three boys.  3.  I'm not new to this.  The first boy I resisted the urge to use the Bear Hug because I, like so many, had strong opinions about it.  I also had two free hands and only one boy.  So when he slipped away and ran into traffic it had my full attention.  By the time I had my second boy, I started to run short on hands and attention.  So we got the Bear Hug.  And we loved it!  Now we are on our third boy and our relationship had moved beyond love to utter appreciation.

The fourth of July was the first time we brought out the Bear Hug for our 3rd boy.  He was almost 2 years old at the time and we were attending a large festival in our city.  Anyone who has ever pushed a stroller is well aware that people in crowds DO NOT move out of the way of a stroller and make no consideration for families with strollers.  In a crowd it's just every man for himself.  So we chose to use the Bear Hug.

I wish you could have seen our little boy!  Oh the taste of freedom!  He just couldn't believe his luck!  He spent the day with a huge grin plastered across his face and running through the crowd with his arms out to the side like an airplane!  He was in heaven!

BUT- you should have seen people's reactions to my child and his leash.  You would have thought I had handed him a bottle of gin and a smoke and sent him into the crowd.  People literally pointed and stared.  Meanwhile, other people sat in the crowd on their blankets smoking within feet of other peoples' children and that was okay.  But me and my safety leash- oh nooooo!  The horror!

About half way through the day my leash was justified in the saddest way.  As my toddler ran and tugged and pulled me though the crowd, we passed a mother with four children (age baby to about 8) and she was talking to the police.  Her children were crying and she was visibly distressed.  She had lost her 5th child and was working with the police to find him or her.  I said a quick prayer for her.  I hope I never know that feeling.  But that moment solidified my love for the bear hug.

The same people that judge you for using the leash are the ones that will also judge you for "letting" your child get lost or hit by a car.  The reality is that some kids will stay by your side and never think about stepping away from you.  Good for those families.  The other reality is that some kids have a spirit that takes them beyond their parents reach- literally.  I've raised both kinds of children.

So I will strap my kid in and let him wear his Bear Hug all day long!  The freedom makes him happy and the safety makes me happy.  I know this is a hot topic for families (and even people without kids) but I think it really boils down to what a parent feels is right in order to keep their children safe.  And safety for my boys comes in the form of a Bear Hug!

When You Live With Boys...

As we all know, I am the undisputed Queen of my castle. I am married to a man and have 3 sons. There is no wondering where my favorite sweater or my make up went, no fighting for bathroom counter space, no talks about tampons vs. pads, no syncing of menstral cycles, and no eye rolling and huffing to accompany a flip of the hair and a "Whatever mom". Yes. Raising boys can be bliss!

Then there are the other things. The things you DO have to live with and learn to accept (or fight forever against)when all of the other people in your house have penises.


1) You will be the ONLY person in the house who knows how to change a roll of toilette paper. Regardless of the reminders.

2) Your sink will be hairy. Always hairy. Little tiny hairs....

3) There will always be a rediculously hungry child standing & staring at the fridge complaining that there's nothing to eat.

4) The base of your toilette will always be yellow. Regarldess of the age of your boys.

5) You will always need a band aide and will never be able to find one.

6) You will forever be subjected to stepping on Leggo pieces, Hot Wheels, and Bionicles.

7) The recycleables will never make their way into the recycle bin. Even though the bin is right next to the counter where the recycleables are left.

8) There will always be a mysterious smell.

9) Underwear will be considered suitable house attire.

10) Burps and farts will...be...funny. Period. At any age. Forever.

11)From an early age and until the day they die, your boys will be fascinated with their penises.

**Just can't add a picture for this one. Sorry folks!**

12) Bed Time = Wrestlemania time.

13) You will need the highest amount of home owners/renters insurance available.

14) You know that thing where regardless of how many times you say it, it's not a good idea until your husband thinks he thought of it? Yeah. Well, it applies to teen boys too.

15) Teaching your boys to do laundry WILL coincide with puberty. Ick.

16) "Are you freaking kidding me?!" will become a part of your regular vocabulary.

17) From birth to age..who are we kidding- forever, your boys' nails will look like they're sporting black tip french manicures.

18) The word "no" is kinda a dare.

19) You will become a diaper quick changer.

20) You will be loved like the Queen you are!

Am I TOO good of a mother?

I have always been proud of who I was as a mother. Part if this comes from the fact that my husband and I have a plan in place. It's to teach our children to be adults. Our plan is that they would be confident and prepared by the time they move out at 18. Therefore our 14yr old already knows how to cook, clean (this one is questionable), sew, do his own laundry, and has his own bank account. For the most part I have been pleased with his progress. Just last night he was researching the cost of car insurance and planning out how many hours after school he would have to work in order to be able to pay for good coverage. I was patting myself on the back!

Then this morning happened. I made breakfast for the family and after my 14yr old had cleaned his plate he decided he wanted two more hash browns. I told him to go ahead and make himself a few more which he successfully did. Then it happened. He brought his plate over to me and asked for me to put the ketchup and hot sauce on because he didn't want to put too much on. Okay. So I start pouring. But as I did, I began to think.

"Why does he need me to do it?"
"What would he have done if I weren't here?"
"Does he lack the self confidence needed to pour his own condiments?"
"HOW WILL HE SURVIVE ON HIS OWN IF I'M NOT THERE TO POUR THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF HOT SAUCE?!?!?!?"

Does this mean that I am a good mother or am I not good enough? Have I not provided him the right amount of guidance and encouragement to make these minor decisions? Or do I take such amazing care of him that no hash brown would be as good unless mom flavored it herself?

AND WHY DO WE MOMS EVEN THINK THESE THINGS?

So now I'm at a cross roads. Now that I've recognized a problem, what do I do moving forward? What do I say the next time he wants me to pour his hot sauce?

No one ever said parenting would be easy. But no one ever warned me about the hot sauce either.

My Funny Valentines

I remember when I was growing up and in school, Valentine’s Day was this holiday that girls looked forward to each year. This was your boyfriend's big chance to declare his undying love (or like) for you in front of everyone. Surely he would have roses delivered and balloons on hand so you could walk around being the envy of all of the other girls. This was more of a competition than a show of actual romance.

I don't quite remember if I fell prey to this whole charade. To my memory I think that I only ever had one boyfriend who did the whole balloon & flower things at school. I think I was more into getting my girlfriends flowers and gifts to show my appreciation for their day to day support and friendship. Remember the student body rose sales where you could have a rose delivered to your friend or lover's classroom? Anyhew, that was more my style.

So it may not be surprising to hear that I'm not the kind of wife that expects elaborate shows of affection on Valentine's Day. I don't want jewelry, or flowers, or balloons. I'm more of a big dinner WITH the kids type of girl.

To me, the best thing my husband can do for me on Valentine's Day is to celebrate our love as a family. These three little boys we made are the best gift we could ever give each other. They are hands down the funniest, sweetest, most incredible things to ever walk into our lives. So I can't imagine getting a sitter and leaving the loves of our lives at home while we go out and have a dinner with each other where we would just end up talking about the kids anyway!

No, for us staying at home and doing a cute family oriented dinner and card exchange is gold! My husband is my soul mate and therefore I am looking forward to having the rest of my life to make goo goo eyes at him across the table at some dark and crowded restaurant. But there are just a handful of precious years where our boys will openly accept our invitation to be our Valentines.

And I am especially in love with this family after the year we had last year. These boys were the reason I stayed strong. They kept me company, loved me, cared for me, cooked for me, made me laugh, put up with me (let's be honest!), and gave me a reason to wake up each day. I appreciate them more than ever for it.

So these boys, these funny little boys and my amazing husband are all the Valentine I need. They are the loves of my life. They are my roses. My balloons. And they are the best gifts I could receive any day of the year!