I have always been proud of who I was as a mother. Part if this comes from the fact that my husband and I have a plan in place. It's to teach our children to be adults. Our plan is that they would be confident and prepared by the time they move out at 18. Therefore our 14yr old already knows how to cook, clean (this one is questionable), sew, do his own laundry, and has his own bank account. For the most part I have been pleased with his progress. Just last night he was researching the cost of car insurance and planning out how many hours after school he would have to work in order to be able to pay for good coverage. I was patting myself on the back!
Then this morning happened. I made breakfast for the family and after my 14yr old had cleaned his plate he decided he wanted two more hash browns. I told him to go ahead and make himself a few more which he successfully did. Then it happened. He brought his plate over to me and asked for me to put the ketchup and hot sauce on because he didn't want to put too much on. Okay. So I start pouring. But as I did, I began to think.
"Why does he need me to do it?"
"What would he have done if I weren't here?"
"Does he lack the self confidence needed to pour his own condiments?"
"HOW WILL HE SURVIVE ON HIS OWN IF I'M NOT THERE TO POUR THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF HOT SAUCE?!?!?!?"
Does this mean that I am a good mother or am I not good enough? Have I not provided him the right amount of guidance and encouragement to make these minor decisions? Or do I take such amazing care of him that no hash brown would be as good unless mom flavored it herself?
AND WHY DO WE MOMS EVEN THINK THESE THINGS?
So now I'm at a cross roads. Now that I've recognized a problem, what do I do moving forward? What do I say the next time he wants me to pour his hot sauce?
No one ever said parenting would be easy. But no one ever warned me about the hot sauce either.
The complicated teenage years... :-)
ReplyDeleteYou know that Moms do everything better! I say keep putting on the condiments...he's still your little boy. :)
ReplyDeleteHaha! My husband and I have the same goals for our kids. My son is 11 now and does his own laundry, makes his own breakfasts and packs his own lunches, etc. But every once in awhile he'll get hung up on something and plead for help, always with the same kind of "I don't want to take too much" idea. It's not consistent, so I think that he's just seeking out some extra parental guidance and care. We have to step back sometimes and realize that he's asking for attention and caring in some small way, and not feel like OMG we are going to turn him into an incompetent fool.
ReplyDeleteThis post just made me laugh because I can relate to it so much. The parenting goals, the situation analysis, even the self sufficient kid. Love it all!
Sometimes it is just nice to have mom's do it I think. In 10 years from now you will be tickled if he wanted you to put the hot sauce on. My mom past away when I was 22 years old and oh what I wouldn't give to have her here to rub my back when I am sick or make me her amazing goulash! You are a great mom from the sounds of it-so much so that he still wants you to do some of the little things...
ReplyDeleteWow dude - you think too much. Time to sit your butt down in front of the tv for a while - that ought to fix it.
ReplyDeleteha! I think you're on the right track ... the alternative is ketchup and hot sauce across the table and floor because he didn't know any better. :)
ReplyDeleteI think you're doing great, heck he made the hashbrowns at least. That's a step in the right direction. Next week he can have a lesson in adding condiments. You know baby steps. Besides, it's nice to still be needed when your kids are teenagers, right? I am dreading that age with my two, I know it's far away still, but I can only imagine how they are going to treat me when they're going through their teenage angst. ;)
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