Monday, February 28, 2011
When I Grow Up To Be Big Me
I have been a mom for the past 15 years. I have been a working mom for the past 15 years. I have always enjoyed the balance of working and being a mom. I was raised by a strong single mom. So to me, this is how it works. This balance is not only attainable, but it's preferable as her example to me was that moms can juggle it all and do it all well.
At first I worked out of necessity. I was 20 years old and needed to support myself and my son. Once I was married, it wasn't a necessity but rather a preference. I loved the feeling of holding my own and coming home and keeping things running there too. And my favorite part of any day was that moment when mom walks through the door and the kids faces light up! Awe- some.
It was never my intention to be a stay at home mom for any length of time or for any reason. Not on my radar at all. So when I was put on bed rest last year and subsequently lost the job I had had for almost a decade, I panicked. My balance was gone. I was losing a big part of what made me...ME! But there wasn't much I could do about it. And to be quite frank, I had to pray on it to really feel at peace with what was happening. I feel that God is taking my life in a different direction because I was too afraid to do it myself.
So here we are almost a full year later. I am still not sure what I want to be when I grow up. I know I don't want to go back to what I was doing. Despite the fact that I was damn good at it. I want to find something that makes me truly happy. I mean, after being with my kids every day, whatever I end up doing will have to compete with them.
So right now I am trying to figure out what I will be when I grow up to be big me. I LOVE writing! But my blogs aren't pulling in the hard hitting cash needed to kiss my unemployment check bye bye. I know I have a lot to offer any employer. I am a hard worker and I LOVE challenges. But I can’t figure out what I want to apply that to. I look back into my childhood and I think about the only things I ever really wanted to be.
1) Mermaid- Off the list for obvious reasons
2) Miss Piggy- Ummm...half way there
3) Writer- I'm writing, but can I find a way to do it AND pay the mortgage?
4) Modeling- Hmmmm...maybe? But we can scratch SUPER model off the list (see #2)
5) Acting- Can this really be a safe option for a 35 year old house wife?
6) Ballet Dancer- This dream was abandoned years ago and is the ONLY regret I have in my life. I've thought about classes for fun but my broken body wouldn't make it.
So as I search Craigslist, & Monster.com, each week I wonder which career will be the one I will love. What will allow me to be happy while being a super stellar wife, mom, & employee? What will I be happy doing for the rest of my life. Life should not be spent in a job you don't love right?