Wednesday, March 2, 2011
How Today Feels
This is the face that almost wasn't.
One year ago today I had no idea what was coming.
One year ago today I found out that I needed this baby.
One year ago today I could have lost this baby and my family could have lost me.
One year ago today God was working overtime changing things in our lives.
All week my brain has been trying to figure out what today would be like. Would I be moody? Would I be super happy because being here would mean we made it? Would it end up being just another day to me?
So here I am. I started off the day re-reading the blog I wrote about that day and crying. Why am I crying?! I don't cry! But I guess that's one of the many things that has changed in me this last year. My brain is a mixture of emotions today. They're swirling around trying to find some order.
I'm just so thankful for where we are at. Yeah some bad things happened over the course of the past year. But things could have been so different without God's grace and the support of our friends and family. Therefore I find myself being truly grateful for the happenings of this past year. There is a quote that I love that embodies how I feel about it:
"Sometimes amazing gifts come in surprising packages. Sometimes they are wrapped in heart break."
How true that is.
Through this turbulent year I have found a great community of people online who's support has been invaluable. I have rediscovered how amazing the people around me are. I learned to rely on other people and stop being as stubborn. I saw strength in my children that I didn't know was there. And I fell in love with my husband over and over and over again.
So while I'm sorting through a variety of emotions today, overall gratitude is what I feel. Things could have been very different. Things could have been worse. But in the end, things are exactly as they should be. They are just as God planned and for that I am forever changed and forever grateful.